Never in a million years

Never in a million years will you see me as more than just a friend

Never will you see me as you do that other girl

I've felt this way before about someone and it kills me knowing that you'll never feel the same way.

I know I annoy you but that's how I am.

I will not change myself for a man like you.

I'm the only one that you treat like shit sometimes

But I still have feelings for you

When I read that entry about how much you love her I just wanted to cry

She's not here.

You only like girls who are from a different country

I tell my friends that I'm over it and that I'm going to forget about trying to find love but I can't. Whenever I see

you these feelings come back.

The pain in my chest comes back.

I wish you knew how bad I want to tell you my feelings, how bad I want to kiss you

But it'll never happen.

......Never in a million years

dream

the slip of the razor.
blood everywhere.
no one around to help
smile on my face
fear in my heart
life slowly slipping away
my wish is almost granted
i wake up
it was all a dream

no more

I messed up dinner last night.
I didn't understand the directions
My mom got home.
She got mad.
Told me of a time in summer when apparently my grandmother had asked my to strip my bed. I guess I didn't understand what she asked me to do.
I am now the idiot of my family
I've always been
I can't help it if I can't understand somethings.
Then this evening my mom found my report card
Failed math
Another piece of evidence to show my level of knlowledge
She wanted to show her boyfriend
She's going to tell everyone in our family
I don't want to be here anymore
I hate being compared to everyone else in this family
I hate being treated like this.
Like I'm dumb
My family tells me about my weight
Now I don't want to live
No one in my family will make fun of me
No one respects me here in my family
I can't talk to anyone

This is the first day that I actually want to die
But I probably won't do anything
I'm too big of a baby
I don't want to hurt my friends
I'll hurt my mom
I want everyone to know how much they hurt me

I don't know
I hate myself
I'm such a big baby

I need someone to talk to....in person
but it's ten
it's too late
she wants me to get over everything
my fathers death
I can't just do it any more

I just can't

Right now I hate life

hate it

I can't believe you would fucking say that Bryan.

I'm going.

Nothing to do

xhatex

She loves him

He called while we were watching a movie.

I could hear their conversation

I heard "I didn't tell anyone what you told me.  I told you I love you."

It sounded sincere.

I'm happy for her.

Then why am I crying?

I want her to be happy.

It just feels like I'm being betrayed.

Am I wrong?

I'm so confused.

Help